How you lovin’?

silhouette of man and woman kissing
Photo by Ibrahim Asad on

I’ve had love. I’ve lost love, I’ve regretted giving love, but most of all I love… love. 

What’s amazing to me is how everyone interprets the act of love differently and shows love differently.

When I think of true love, the first person that comes to mind is my mother. How can someone endure so much pain during a pregnancy, sacrifice so much to provide for her baby, tolerate cognitive dissonance during the teenage years, constantly forgive with an open heart and continue to love all the same? Only God knows. 

When I imagine the love I need to keep a distance from, the first person that comes to mind is my father. An absentee father is one of my greatest blessings. I am grateful for my father’s shortcomings because his absence gave me a personalized blueprint of the signs of a mendacious man. I was given the ability to call out the man who wants to love me, be with me, but will not protect and honor me like the crowned jewel he does not deserve to hold. 

But in order to fully understand this concept I had to experience selfish love. Love that brewed from intrinsic motivations, love that pretended to be kind, honest and ingenuous. Love that lied and cheated. Love that clouded judgement, Love that was a product of a broken home, love that needed guidance, love that was emotionally immature, love that was unappreciative…. love that didn’t value their worth, love that needed patience that I didn’t have. Love that was exactly what I needed.

One of life’s greatest treasures is true love. When love is unfeigned… it gives us every reason to believe in good people. During my vacation in France, I encountered a person who I knew for a short period of time, but in that short time span, he became a confidant and a friend like no other. By expressing forthright, unromantic, kind, and veritable love, he easily became a life long friend. Not because we come from similar walks of life, or share the same religions views, but because of the deep respect and concern that was mutually reciprocated. 


When we care about someone lets be present, give them the most authentic version of ourselves, lose all expectations… and love. 


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